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文書點評—康乃爾勞資關系

2013年02月21日來源:美國留學網作者: 萬佳留學
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原文
Statement of purpose which includes applicants reasons for undertaking graduate work, explanation of study interests, and their relation to the applicant's undergraduate study and professional goals.

The decision for me to become an industrial relations major was not really my own, I have to admit. My uncle, a human resource manager with Welch-Ally, spent the majority of every holiday gathering throughout my senior year of high school trying to dissuade me from becoming a business major. He would tell me, "This is a rare undergraduate degree and a growing field." Then he would frighten me by saying, "We have very similar personalities, so you would be a fantastic H.R. manager." Eventually he convinced me that it was my best option. And I haven't regretted it.

Although I credit my uncle with inspiring my initial decision, my constantly growing interest in this field and desire to continue my education has grown from two sources: the Industrial Relations faculty at Lemoyne and my vocation as a martial arts instructor for almost five years. From my professors, I have learned the practical side of my intended profession: the multitude of laws protecting worker's rights in the workplace, procedures for collective bargaining and arbitration, and how compensation systems function. My job, on the other hand, has helped me acquire the "people" skills that are crucial to being an effective H.R. manager. In the course of a normal workday, I must communicate with a diverse group of people ranging in age from three to seventy-two years old. Each student has unique needs and goals that I must identify and pay attention to. I must constantly evaluate students and give them constructive feedback, walking that fine line between support and criticism. At the same time, I delegate tasks to the less senior instructors and class helpers, while helping them improve their teaching skills. It is challenging and constantly educational. These two sources, my professors and my job, have succeeded in transforming a disinterested college freshman into a senior who has a focused career path.

My ultimate career goal is to be a general human resource manager or recruiter for a high-tech or pharmaceutical company. These are industries in which I foresee great potential for growth in the future. I enjoy every aspect of my major, and I look forward to the variety of tasks and obstacles I will face as an H.R. manager. The prospect of interacting with people on a daily basis appeals to me immensely in a job. Working as a recruiter likewise interests me because it would involve convincing potential employees to work for my company. This is precisely what I do at my current job. It is my responsibility to make new students feel at ease, develop rapport with them quickly, and then sell our program's values and benefits. All of my experience would be relevant and useful to a career as an H.R. manager.

Cornell University represents an attractive program for me because the curriculum is practical and many of the classes utilize computers and software specifically designed for human resources. Also, a Master's degree from a well-respected program like Cornell would be essential in helping me achieve my goal of working for a large, possibly Fortune 500 company. I ask that you examine my grades to see the discrepancy between my Freshman/Sophomore and Junior/Senior years. The change reflects my growing interest in industrial relations and my ability to balance working almost full-time with being a full-time commuting student. If accepted, I will bring to Cornell a strong academic background in human resources and hands-on management experience. I am extremely committed to my career goals, and I believe that attending Cornell will help me fulfill them.
譯文
這篇個人陳述包括了我申請研究生項目的理由,學習興趣的說明,我本科階段的學習與這個項目之間的關系和我的職業目標。

這個決定就我來說成為勞資關系專業真的不是我特有的,我必須承認。我的叔叔是一個人力資源管理經理,他花了大半節假日時間聚集我高中學年來試圖勸我主修商科。他告訴我,“這是一個非常杰出的學位、一個正在成長的領域”當時他還用諺語嚇唬我“我們有非常相同的性格,因此你將成為一個荒謬的人力資源經理?!弊詈笏_信那將是我最好的選擇。那樣我將沒有任何遺憾。

雖然我相信我的叔叔灌輸給我的最初的決定,但是在這個領域我逐漸增強的興趣和繼續學習愿望已經成長了,來自兩個來源:似曾相識的勞資關系的才能和我的將近5年的武術教師的職業。從我的教授那里我學到了我有意從事的職業的比較實用的一面:在車間,勞資雙方針對工資等問題談判的程序和仲裁,和賠償制度的職責所有這些方面多數法律是保護工人的權利的。我的工作,在另一方面,已經幫助我學到了人力資源管理這方面的技巧,這對于我成為一個出色的人力資源經理是至關重要的。在正常的工作期間,我必須和不同的人群交流包括3歲到72歲的人們。每個學生都有不同的需求和目標我必須識別和注意。我必須經常的評價學生并且給他們建設性的反饋,在支持和批評之間要有獎罰分明的線路。同時,我給少數的高級教師和班級助手委派任務以便幫助他們提高教學技能。它是負有挑戰性的和教育性的。這兩個來源,我的教授和我的工作,已經成功的轉化成了一個無私的學院,即新生進入更高一級的職業通道。

我最終的職業目標是成為一個普通的人力資源經理或者招聘人員針對那些高科技或者藥物公司。這些行業是我預知的將來最有增長潛力的行業。我喜歡我的專業的每一個方面,我期盼任務的變化和作為一個人力資源經理我將面對的障礙。工作中每日與人的相互影響的前景無限的吸引著我。作為招聘人員同樣的使我產生興趣因為令人信服的有潛力的職工即將為我的公司工作。這正是我目前所做的工作。使新的學生感到自由自在、迅速的與他們發展和諧的關系然后出售我們的項目的價值和利益,這是我的責任。所有我的這些經驗對于一個人力資源經理的職業生涯都是相關的和有用的。

對于我來說康乃爾大學象征著一個有魅力的項目,因為它的課程是實用的并且多數上層社會利用計算機軟件特定的設計來做人力資源。而且,來自康乃爾大學非常受尊敬的一個碩士學位項目將從本質上幫助我達到我要進入世界500強公司的目標。我要求你們檢查我的等級以便了解我的大學三年之間的差異。這個差異反映了我在勞資關系方面正在增長的興趣和就一個專任的走讀生而言我對于平衡全部工作時間的能力。如果我被你們接受,我將帶給康乃爾大學堅固的人力資源理論背景和我的管理經驗。我非常的終于我的職業目標,我相信參加康乃爾大學將幫助我實現我的職業理想。
文章點評                                                                     
文章大綱
本文從結構上來看,主要分為四大部分,第一部分主要是為下文作鋪墊,間接的強調自己學習勞資關系的強烈決心;第二部分是文章的核心,通過寫實的手法展現了自己的相關專業背景和優勢,不僅層次感很強,而且描寫得很細致。第三部分激情澎湃的展現了作者的職業目標,在這里使文章升華到達高潮。第四部分結合自己的職業理想直接點明康乃爾大學此項目的優勢以及我的加入能帶來的價值。

主題內容
從內容上來看,開篇先用一句話簡單介紹了文章的主要內容;接著寫自己的叔叔就是人力資源的經理,他一直全力勸說自己主修商科,向自己灌輸商科是個非常有前途的領域。第二部分主要寫自己在勞資關系這方面的興趣逐漸增強以及自己的實踐經歷,通過學習和實際工作,提高了自己在此方面的能力和技巧。第三部分主要寫自己的職業目標是成為一個普通的人力資源經理或者招聘人員針對那些高科技或者藥物公司,突出了自己對待這個領域的強烈興趣和責任感。第四部分直接指出康乃爾大學的課程設置比較實用,參加康乃爾大學有助于我實現進入500強的職業目標,同時可以分享我的堅固的學院背景和管理經驗。

素材取材
本文取材主要是自己的親身經歷(第2、3段),其余全是敘述性的描寫,說明自己的目的和計劃。全文主要圍繞自己的興趣展開,這是貫穿全文的一條主線。

本文立意
本文開篇就先點明了自己意圖以及全篇的答題內容,接著由自己的叔叔襯托自己強烈的興趣,給人以真實地感受,之后通過寫實和敘述重點突出了自己的興趣以及適合這個項目。

可以借鑒的地方
總體來看全文層次分明,邏輯合理,雖然跨專業申請,但是非常自然,更多的強調了自己的興趣以及自己的學習和經歷適合這個領域。語言簡練,主題表達明確,而且兼顧的方面較廣,同時也體現了自己的相關優勢。最值得借鑒的一點就是用實際經歷(叔叔對自己的勸阻)側面襯托,對于說明自己強烈的決心和興趣顯得更有力度。

本文缺點
但是文章也有一定的缺點,寫實的部分缺少個性的案例,因此對于自己在此專業方面的優勢展示得有點少,如果補充進去給人的印象將更加深刻;此外有的地方稍微有些啰嗦,有點畫蛇添足的意思,例如第四部分最后一句:“All of my experience would be relevant and useful to a career as an H.R. manager.”不過總的來說這篇PS比較成功。

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